An Alternative Peppa Pig Script
Narrator: It's a lovely sunny day and Peppa and George are playing in the garden.
Peppa: I'm better at jumping up and down in muddy puddles than you are. You're rubbish.
[GEORGE KICKS PEPPA, PEPPA RUNS INSIDE CRYING]
Narrator: Mummy Pig is in the kitchen, wondering what happened to her life.
Mummy Pig: What's the matter, Peppa?
Peppa: George kicked me!
Mummy Pig: Jesus wept, can you two not play nicely for five minutes?
Mummy Pig: I'm calling Daddy Pig.
[MUMMY PIG DIALS DADDY PIG'S WORK. DADDY PIG ANSWERS]
Daddy Pig: Hello, Daddy Pig speaking
Mummy Pig: Why haven't you replied to my texts Daddy Pig? What time will you be home?
Daddy Pig: Ahhh, I forgot to tell you ... I'm working late.
Mummy Pig: Are you shitting me, Daddy Pig?
Daddy Pig: [laughs] Ho ho ho! I'm afraid not, Mummy Pig. Do you need me to pick anything up on the way home?
Mummy Pig: Wine.
[MUMMY PIG HEADS BACK INTO THE GARDEN]
Mummy Pig: Peppa, George - what do you want to do until Daddy Pig comes home?
Peppa: Let's sing the Bing Bong song!
George: Bong bing boo, bing bong bing, bing bong bingly bongly boo (x2)
[MUMMY PIG POKES HER EYES OUT]