Ten Reasons Why Work is a Holiday
1. You can drink a cup of tea. While it is hot. You can also put it down unattended and enjoy not having to scream 'Watch my tea. Watch my TEA!' as a small person toddles close to it.
2. You get to wear something which doesn't have vomit-crust on the sleeve. You may even branch out from leggings. You little minx.
3. You don't get followed to the toilet, or watched while you are on the toilet (hopefully). You could even sit there in silence for half an hour if you wanted to, though it might lead your workmates to conclude you are having trouble doing a Number Two, so best not.
4. Your lunch is your lunch. It doesn't get stolen. Or sneezed on.
5. Nobody in the office climbs all over you (unless you want them to - which is, of course, your business). You won't feel the urge to lock yourself in the toilet with your fingers in your ears shouting 'will everybody just LEAVE ME ALONE!' (while crying). Yes, this has happened at home.
6. There is less risk of actual bodily harm, as the odds of getting smacked around the head with a Lights & Sounds Police Car are significantly lower.
7. You can converse all day with adults talking about Coronation Street, diets and affairs. 'She DIDN'T! So she wasn't really at Zumba?'
8. You can go more than fifteen minutes without having to use a baby wipe for some kind of bodily spillage.
9. Telephones ringing, computer keyboards clicking, a low murmur of voices ... .all these noises are preferable to the brain-drilling chorus of children screaming over the alarm from Fireman Sam's Ocean Rescue Centre.
10. Finally, you can go for a walk on your lunch break. Alone. WITHOUT CARRYING A BAG.
While at work, the lesser appreciated benefits of staying at home might be missed. These include:
- Not having to make small talk with people you don't really like.
- Eating what you fancy without being silently judged by colleagues on the 5:2 diet.
- Not having to get dressed. Or washed.
- Watching Homes Under the Hammer.
The work day also brings with it the realisation that sometimes you will miss your children so much your heart will hurt. Hurty heart I call it. Pretty sure it's a medical condition.
I’m returning to work in four weeks, bit sad about the hurty heart but mostly feeling gleeful in light of points 1-10.